Yesterday I called round to a friend's house, just as she was going out. I was feeling very low and have done for a few days.But that wasn't why I called. She must have seen I was down because she asked me how I was, so I told her. She invited me back for lunch. She then bumped into another friend in town and txted me to say she'd be coming too for "a chin wag"
Well we sat and chatted over coffee, then she said, "so shall we talk about what we came to talk about?" and they then proceeded to batter me with their "words of wisdom".
so.....I'm manipulative, untruthful,attention seeking,have "hidden agendas"I give into Satan, generally I'm a horrid person and they don't really like me....or that's what it felt like they were saying.
I didn't ask for any of that,I only came for a coffee and friendly chat. I never asked for their help, only said I was low because one of them asked.
I couldn't share this yesterday as I was too upset. I'm not saying I'm innocent, I'm not saying that I never make the wrong choices, I know I mess up, I know I curl up and feel sorry for myself at times,I can be needy and hard work.
I came away though feeling betrayed and extreemly hurt.I don't think I can face them again, I'm not even sure I can face going to church knowing what they think about me.
I haven't txted or emailed them because whatever I say will just make things worse. I've not given into the very strong urges to self-harm because, no doubt, it would be seen as manipulative. Last week I felt abandoned by my therapist, now I feel abandoned by my friends too. Sometimes I wonder if life is worth the effort?

These are just the kind of people we can do without! I totally understand your feelings and I feel that your 'friends' were totally unsympathetic and indeed rude to you when you just needed relief from your feelings and emotions. I know a few people like this, they are just ignorant to my illness and come out with all kinds of bizarre slogans to 'help' me feel better, I tend to keep them at arms length when I am feeling low really. I am sorry this has happened to you I really am, I know how it feels and it can take ages to come around after such a thing. If you need a friend I am on MSN now if you would like a further chat, or please email me anytime, by the way I think you are lovely and none of the things they say you are x

Jan, I am soooo sorry to hear what you have recently be put thru. I have had simaliar things happen to me from my own family and friends. What I saw as common with these people is that they we all liveing a lie themselves, therefore if they could identifie with me they would need to identifie with their own secrets that they have somehow hidden from themselves. These people are the ones that need help themselves. These people cannot understand true pain cause they are numb to pain themselves. They cannot understand or be real. So to make them feel better they beat up on those who are being real actually believeing they are doing good when they put on these so called lunches.They are not worth hanging around or emailing. They are too toxic it for you my dear sister. However, it would be ashame if you had to stay away from a church you love to attend. When you are stronger, try to go to church and worship and sit with those who do understand you. And pray for those who harm you. Easier said then done I know...but why should you stay away from a church you are growing in. This is a trick of satan himself,to keep us away from where we get strength and love in our faith.

Thank-you Jan for starting this thread and exposing your pain to us. Just remember you do have friends who are real, know real pain and care and love you as you are.

Thankyou Emma and Zeta. You encouragement really helped. We have a church meeting tonight, I wasn't going to go, but I am now.

I wrote this earlier:

Lord I wish they could see depression
Like the visible weeping wound it is.
Then people would say “That looks sore”
And not “try harder”

Lord I wish they could see depression
Like a vivid itchy skin rash.
Then people would understand
And not condemn.

Lord let them see it
Show them it’s real and it hurts
Let them understand,
The road to recovery is long.

Lord I know you see my heart
You gather up my tears
And walk with me on the journey
To wholeness.

Thanks Jan for that VERY meaningful poem about what people with depression actual feel. It brought a tear to my eyes and reminded me to tell you that this is just a fraction what our Lord Jesus Christ felt at the cross. HE UNDERSTANDS..I feel God saying this for you Jan. (((((((((((((((((((JAN)))))))))))))))))))))))) xoxoxo

I hope the meeting went well... Love and blessings...

A lovely poem Jan. How are you feeling today? Did you go to the meeting?

Thanks for your concern folks.
I went to the meeting last night. I was very uncomfortable to begin with but both the people were really lovely to me! When we split into small discussion groups I was in the same group as both of them...but I shouldn't have been as I should have been a "2" but when my pastor was counting us off he gave me a "1", it could have been accidental as he was rather jet-lagged (he'd flown back from Nth Carolina that morning!)but I think the Holy Spirit had a hand in it!
I should be feeling good today, especially as my contract at work has been extended by at least a month, but I just feel weary and weepy and unable to go to either of the friends I normally go to for help because I'm scared that they'll repeat the things that were said on Monday.

I tried family & friends when l got depressed, but l always felt they were either not interested or didn't have a clue what l was on about.

Back in the 80's things came to a head and l cried out to God, if I had not been such a coward l know l would not be here today. God did speak to me, sent me a friend to help me find my way to Him by becoming a Born Again. Now l've learnt when there just doesn't seem any body to hear your cries, choose the place and time to be on your own and rant, rave, laugh, cry all your sorrows to Him, and l don't mean in prayer, talk to Him as if he were in the room. Be angry with Him if you want, blame Him if you want, cos inside He knows you are just hurting and need to release. Just the other week, I seem to be in a permanent state of panic attacks, I cried out to Him, I sobbed my tears dry, but I got a message: "Keep calm and wait".

Sometimes we look to people for answers, but they can't help. God is the only one that can. But you have to learn patience.